That was 28 years ago. Id like to hear how you feel. I agree with Roger, I get more laughs, and more insight, from the comment section! he is very persistent. I feel I am too old to move on by myself, most everything in our relationship is good, but sex is very bad. Asking yourself such questions can help you on your way to a more active and satisfying sex life with your wife. Because of its addictive nature, it rewires the brain by desensitizing you. So she still has a spark of sexiness ..but wants the womanizer. I told her that I did not want that, That I only wanted her but she said she loves me but has no sexual feelings, it is slowly destroying me and I do not know what to do, she refuses to talk about it, will not spoon in bed and pulls away from any hug. . We used lubricant but it still wasnt very effective the last time. Would you be willing to see a therapist with me to learn how to talk about this? Have you asked whether she experienced vaginal pain during sex? It is a great resource for relationship help. I guess. 2. 80s, are victims of the same injustice and gender paradigms you are experiencing. Who cares whos got the problem enjoy not having sex! This is the best I have read. Some are related to the pressures and demands of family life. On fantasy world would be 24/7! We dont really argue and enjoy each others company. Working with a therapist will help you learn to ask her how she prefers to be touched and help empower her to guide you. Even to the point that when she gets sexually turned on it still causes her pain. The idea that anyone has to resort to porn, masturbating or ignoring their own healthy needs and desires to actually connect skin to skin with their partner while exchanging looks and words of passion and enjoying, it is wrong. She always had 2 orgasms before me. Noah loves to write on matters of the heart and mind. Your husband, not even talking to you must be so hard on your self esteem. She had a hysterectomy years ago do to cancer concerns, about 5 years ago she had a stroke like episode but there where no signs of actual stroke damage and she had started botox/steroid therapy in her spinal column for pain issues so there is suspicion that caused it, but because of a possible stroke they wont give estrogen. All this can cause a person to go into anger and hibernate. Im 57 and my husband is 56 years old. The thing thats in the way the most for me ISNT all the atrophy, the breast surgery, the continuing oral chemo therapy, the fatigue that I have. Ive tried vacations, dates, sex toys, lubricants, vitamins, blah blah blah..when a gal is not sexually attracted to you and is generally more than willing to never have sex again cuz (insert the reason I dont understand here) shes not going to change at 70. Suddenly it all makes sense. When he gets it, his wife & children are covered in security & abundance. Youre doing them harm when refusing. Wow wish my hubby was so attentive as you! It literally saved my marriage and maybe my life. I was reading the original story and that exactly my life. Here are some possible openings finesse one or more of these to fit your comfort and style: I strongly suggest that you see a sex therapist (find one in your location) or a sex-savvy counselor for guidance. I get tired of waking up because I realize Im having an erotic dream and humping the bed. I have no issues with my performance and dont need ED meds. I dont understand. What is the solution? I am partly replying and partly commenting on the many very earnest and difficult sexless relationships discussed here. In fact, according to WebMD, there are multiple causes that will negatively affect the sexual desire in a woman. Foreplay doesnt start in the bedroom, foreplay is EVERY day regardless if sex is on the table or not. I remember when certain words did the trick. Will not do anything about it.. Refuses everything and anything to do with sex. Yet even in my early 60s I have stronger desire than my partner does. We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. So the time has come to find a willing older gal and have an affair and feel alive and like a man again What to do about it: Using lube can help immensely with vaginal dryness and pain, and including more clitoral stimulation and sex toys can help make sure sexual experiences continue to be pleasurable for your wife. I mean how do you do that if your married? I told him if he didnt want a divorce, he should feel free to find date outside the marriage, and if anything serious developed, we would revisit the divorce option. It has been years since my wife and I have had sex. They complain that the wife was open to sex anytime anywhere when they were dating but it all changed after kids were born. He snores so he sleeps in his own bedroom. Having sex will actually help you physically and can add years to your life. I understand completely!!!! Copyright 2023 Older Adults Technology Services, Inc. All rights reserved. I finally became frustrated with being turned down and just waited for her to initiate sex. I spoil her all the time. If theyve been fighting the whole day, physical intimacy is the last thing on their mind. In addition, he doesnt suffer from ED or any other similar issue, but he seems to feel that sex is for procreation and once that part of life is over (as it surely now is), so is sex! We have been together since the 80s and there is No ONE else I want to be with. Now when it comes to my receiving oral sex to orgasm? You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter. I do not want to out her to the family as they all adore her. Love and mutual respect must be the basis for any human relationship. Expert Lists 13 Reasons, 43 Romantic Date Night Ideas For Married Couples, 44 Unique Birthday Wishes For Husband To Convey Your Love, 33 Most Romantic Things To Do For Your Wife, The Best 51 Anniversary Wishes For Husband, 6 Facts That Sum Up The Purpose Of Marriage. The counselor ABSOLUTELY never touched on the subject of sex. Once you restore an emotional connection, your physical one is sure to follow. I want to figure out myself and fix my own issues so I can be a great mom and wife but I feel like is a waste of time to try to fix my marriage because its broken down and Im emotionally drained and I just want to focus on my kids. I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. It wasnt until I got married at age 40 that I realized that my problem probably wasnt sexual boredom but something else. I am dry (we tried lubricant) and hes small (always been, but seems more so in his 60s) and he doesnt get or stay very hard at all. Most women, especially in our age group, only experience responsive desire. If you think your wife avoids intimacy because of an underlying condition, its best to seek medical help at the earliest. And I feel its unfair for me to try to fix something that Im the only one thats putting effort into. I get you have energy for everyone but me. I have 2 nephews, age 6 & 7, from my brother 13 years younger than me. I became so dry that sex was painful, we tried different lubricants but nothing really helped much. My nephews, 1x/month on average, so I dont over do with outside the marriage things at all nor overspend, AT ALL. Hey People, when a woman no longer wants sex with a man, it means she is likely not attracted to him anymore. She apologies oh well. Take stock of all the good things you still have in your relationship that you might not find again. Oh stfu. I have both physical and emotional desires that seem to be building resentment towards him. 69 years old and no sex together for over 20 years..I asked her if she ever gets horny anymore like when we were dating..she flatly stated no, and if thats a dealbreaker so be it. Add to this many complications: conditioning from childhood, feeling you are being used for someone elses pleasure, not being attracted, not meeting your partner at the same emotional level. But in practice, no one is equal. As a matter of fact, if shes not enjoying herself, I stop. I have the same problem, my wife and I are 73 years old, 7years ago she told me she no longer had an interest in sex, so,it has been 7 dry years, she told me I was free to,find someone to have sexy with!! Although he acts like he doesnt notice and maybe he dont. That happens with prostate removal and my father had that and my mother didnt have to have sex with him anymore. Sorry Mate. God as our designer and maker knows what is best for us. you get it. I read the frustration and despair in your story and I thank you for being willing to share it here. 10 year sexless marriage. Then I find out shes got four different boyfriends. She needs emotional connectivity even without the expectation of sex, just because it is kind. Here are some foreplay ideas for inspo. My opinion only, so, most likely only worthy in my estimation. He was gone on the road 80% of the time. So, your wife has told you that her ex didn't treat her that well, yet she chased him. I demonstrate my love for her in so many ways, little notes, letters, flowers messages in song, other women including young women I work with say they would love to have someone who loves and respects their partner and relationship like I do. Put simply, she needs me as a caregiver and husband, as our son and 5 grand kids moved away for church school 2 years ago. Now its more about independence- Im tired of living in my spouses value system . In fact, I recently read that most sexless marriages are due to lack of desire in the men. Engage in thought-provoking discussions, make new friends, and share resources all on a safe and ad-free platform. I am not allowed in the shower/bathroom when she is showering or changing. It will only create more distance between you. Your wife avoids intimacy because she feels neither desirable nor sexy. !, so we better act tough, ya know! Sucks to be me, right! Accept her no lovingly, masturbate, and initiate again another day. Thats not going to make you happy in the long run!!! Id say he has some other issues. My wife determined several years ago that she no longer has that connection to me, and will eventually leave. When home I was to do whatever he wanted me to. The vast majority are trained to be misandrists and far too many are grotesquely unethical. If you go too directly and/or too soon to her vulva before shes aroused, shell likely just want to withdraw. 2009 - 2023 MindBodyGreen LLC. But, you must remember that this rejection of your sexual advances is often triggered by some underlying reasons.